diari seorang arwah

A blog at last. Maybe the first and the last. Frustration, putus harapan, patah semangat is some of the words that could be used to describe me this moment right now or the moment before you read this blog. Oh yeah! another word “heartbroken”!! lame siot x pakai. Dah 4 tahun kot.

Diari seorang arwah??? Why??? Saje je nak bagi seram. No!!!. Actually its because part of my dream, part of my semangat yang berkobar-kobar just died. But not everything, I’m still alive. Thank god. And thanks to the entity that I sanjung2 and proud of (sampai gaduh dgn abang sebab die kutuk entiti tersebut), ‘diari seorang arwah’ diterbitkan.

Why?? Haha. The question should be ‘why not?’. Yes!!! Why not Bristol?? Why is it must be that fucking Warwick??? (sorry org2 Warwick) Why put my dream tergantung?? I’m sorry if my english is bad. I know that I have a poor command of English — poorer than the poorest people in the country with poorest Human Development Index!! (compared to the general level of English proficiency in the place i’m studying currently)

Ok. Lets get back to the previous persoalan2. First of all thanks to the middlemen that voice out whats in my head to the higher-ups of “that entity”. (previously i said upper-high tapi kene gelak gile babi by meor). I dont want to state my case but the important thing is aku x boleh pergi Warwick. They are making me wait until August to see if there is tempat left for me to go there. They (the entity’s higher ups) are not that dumb to ignore the fact that its close to impossible that Warwick ade any tempat left for my course after August. These are the things that I asumed why they want me to go to Warwick

• the higher-ups already established contact dengan Warwick. So, they are not courageous enough to create a new contact with another “land”. We all knew well that Christopher Columbus is a huge name in history because he and his crew sail across (Atlantic or Pacific, I forgot) in search of a new land. Kalau diorang create contact with the new “land”, maybe their name will be written in History.

• they are all a bunch of smart-asses yang grad from top2 “land”. so they think that semua orang selected by them can be in par with their level. I dont know why i was selected to make a pact with “the entity”. Why they choose me, i.q cuma 91 jek and expect me to berdiri sama tinggi and duduk sama rendah with other gifted, selected people.

• Diorang ni tak fikir ke pasal mak bapak kite. They are a bunch of rich fucks that can afford their child education’s overhead. Tak ke die x pikir yang parents aku pon ade anak. What about my parents? Adakah mereka telah diberikan harapan palsu bahwa anak lelaki terakhir mereka akan naik kapal terbang pertama kali dan pergi ke u.k? Try to put yourself in my parents’ shoes. different size doesnt matter. Sedih. If im a father i will be sad too especially seeing my children being sad. I always hold this falsafah yang org tua2 ckp – buat kat anak orang, satu ari orang buat kat anak kite balik ( come to think of it, orang tua kerja die cakap je pape and some of their words orang akan percaye)

I hate most of the rich people that i know. i was not dibesarkan with a golden spoon stucked up in my ass. I have had a really hard time when i was a kid and now i understand the pain and suffering that my parents alami when i was a child. I remembered how most of the rich people yang my mum asked for help just acted in an insulting behaviour. My mum said during the hard times, banyak dah penghinaan yang dialami. Actually, its all because of jealousy and jealousy plus the stories that i dont understand 10 years ago, will generate hate. Their behaviour is almost the same, thinking of them living in a different class or even different world ( of course laa diorang punye lagi bes ). Most of the fucking rich people that i met is the type yang tak pernah rase susah so they are arrogant. lahir2 dah kaye, from bandar, kat rumah cakap english, baju nak branded, diva and demanding, look down on orang2 kampung and mixed with their own kind species only. THOSE DAMN RICH FUCKS!!!!!!!!!!! (from movie gangster high kot)

one more thing i hate about these rich and affordable people is diorang closed peluang orang lain. ( what im about to mention is about tertiary education and scholarships ) of course most of the sponsoring searched secondary students yang ade exposure, English tip-top and most of the students yang diorang nak ni came from rich families. They speak English at home, makan pakai expensive silverware, overseas holiday dah bosan dah. So, what will happen to those yang x dapat opportunity mcm ni. Left-out. Thank God, I can say that im really lucky. most of the exposure i got dapat tym secondary school, itupon pasal belas ihsan orang, i got the opportunity. Kalau tak, jadi sampah ah aku. Theres always a silver lining in every cloud or setiap bende ade hikmah, walaupun bapak aku sakit n banyak difficulties in family, Allah bagi jugak bende yg lagi elok (Allah kan Maha Adil).

Tapi, not all the rich people that I met terok!! ade gak yang very humble, supportive and have a sense of human (its really human, not a typographical error). Most of them datang from a very susah nye family. Haha, rase mcm membebel plak. talking about nonsense and stuffs!! Saje je nak kurangkan depression. Maybe Australia is not a bad land to study. God knows better!! Maybe He has a better plan for me!! I have the drive to work hard when i imagine that i want my kids (xde lagi pon) to have far more better life than mine. theres still hope and

“hope is a really beautiful thing” – red, shawshank redemption

This is such a waste of time – - haha